


Returning to Red London

by aFictionalReality



Category: Shades of Magic - V. E. Schwab
Genre: Angst and fluff and a lil smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward dinner conversations, F/M, Lots of Angst, Multi, Not quite mature but not teen either, Proposals?, Returning to London, post-ACOL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 11:04:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15750384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aFictionalReality/pseuds/aFictionalReality
Summary: "It was the first time she had said the words aloud although she had come to terms with the truth of it years ago.He would say it, she would smile and kiss him and he never questioned it or pressured her to return the sentiment. She was certain a part of him must know, that Lila simply wasn’t the type of person to put feelings into words.Putting them into words made them too real. Something you couldn’t take back, couldn’t escape, and inescapable things were the worst kind in Lila’s mind because if it couldn't be escaped then it was a trap.She soon realized it didn’t matter whether or not she said the words - she had fallen fully and willingly into this trap and she didn't want to break free."___Kell and Lila return to Red London after years at sea to attend the Essen Tasch, but is returning back to Kell's London an unspoken ending or a beginning? Delilah Bard was never one to sit still for too long, but Kell's heart would always belong where it's echo beat. A sweet reunion haunted by the question of what comes after.((Originally a one-shot but I have no self-control so it's split into two. ))





	1. Sailing back the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Shades of Magic fic and I have no restraint or self control (and really could have made it longer) so here we are.  
> I split it up into 2 parts so it's a little less daunting.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, I am in love with this series and these characters and had to write about it!

   Kell still wasn't entirely used to it.  
 During the day, when he was standing at the bow of the Night Spire, ocean spray cool against his cheeks, it felt almost natural. In the bowel of the ship, however, it still unsettled him. He didn't feel nauseated or afraid, simply unhinged. As Antari, he had spent his days tethered to the earth, finding anchors to travel across worlds. On the open ocean, however, the world was unsteady. Sure he had been on ships before, but it was simply a means of travel. This was different, this was a way of life. His home.  
 Well Delilah Bard was his home, but this was hers and he had learned to love it.  
 He could hear her now through the halls, chiding to Remes in good spirits about the amount of drink he had consumed due to his loss in Sanct. It was late and Kell had already returned to the Captains Quarters after a few rounds himself. They were less than a days travel to port and he could feel the tension in himself coiling tighter the closer they got.    He was hunched over the desk, map spread out beneath coins to weigh the edges. Red glinted off the metal under the swaying lamp light evoking memories of the isle.  
 Three years.  
 It had been nearly three years since they last set foot in London and he felt the ache in his heart. Although he wasn't sure if it was for Arnes itself or for its King. Rhy.  
 His brother was no doubt a wonderful king, but Kell still found himself wondering how he was doing. It wasn't entirely unwarranted, of course, when he could still feel the pain his brother felt. Albeit few and far between in comparison to the months before he and Lila had left.  
   The door to the cabin creaked open, Lila striding in and smiling when she saw him at the desk.  
 "And here I thought you were already in bed."  
 Kell smiled softly, not taking his eyes from the map as he sketched their course, "Not sleeping, just working."  
 She seemed less than thrilled at his lack of attention, clearly a few drinks in herself as well. Boots hit the floor next to her jacket as she came to look over his shoulder, chin resting there as he fumbled with a compass in his hands.  
 She frowned, "You know you don't need to, we've already charted the course. We should arrive late in the morning. And you can keep that compass if you want, since you lost yours in Terren."  
 Of course he didn't need to, but it helped to distract his idle mind and keep it focused on something he could do easily. His magic was still there, no less powerful and no different, but it was as if it wasn't his anymore. As if he only had access to it and it drained him everytime he used it. The frustration wore on him. All his life his magic was some part of him, as natural to use as moving a limb. Now it caused him pain each and every time - it wasn't always serious. Elemental magic only seemed to cause a headache, the severity depending on the strength he summoned. Blood magic, however, was different. It seared like fire through his chest when he uttered the words.  
 He wondered if Rhy could feel it, if he worried. Because of that, he tried to refrain from using it unless absolutely necessary. Luckily, on the ship and the open sea, it wasn't common.  
 He wondered if Lila knew. If she could sense his hesitation to use magic, see the pain he tried to hide from his features as he healed her.  
 As if sensing his train of thought, she pressed a kiss to the crook of his neck, hands running lightly up his back to tangle in his hair with a thief's touch. He let his eyes fall shut and revel in the feeling, leaning back into her.  
 "What's on your mind? You're frowning more than usual." Her voice was a soft murmur, the vibration of it on his neck nearly making him shiver.  
 He chuckled softly in response, "More than usual? I don't see how that is possible with as much as you and Rhy comment on it."  
 The mention of Rhy's name must have shed some light on his thoughts, although he imagined she knew already. She was smart and could usually read him like a book. With a frown, she moved around to face him, leaning against the desk in front of him.  
 "Are you nervous?"  
 "Not nervous, just on edge I guess. It's been a long time since I've been home and I don't know how different things will be."  
 If Lila bristled at his use of the word home, it didn't show. She only shrugged, arms crossed against her chest, "Afraid you'll forget how to be a prince?"  
 Despite the obvious jest in her tone, Kell's frowned deepened, "I'm not a prince."  
 Rolling her eyes, she moved forward and draped her arms around him, "Oh saints, I've made it worse. Stop pouting, _Aven Vares_. I think you're just upset you have to see Alucard."  
 This time he did smile, "Two years still isn't enough time without him. And I get enough of that from the crew, I don't need it from you too." He brought his hands to her hips, holding her close as he looked up at her, "Captain." He added, his smile turned more mischievous as he pulled her down on his lap.  
Her smile was sharp as she straddled his hips and clasped her hands behind his neck. His hair was disheveled, the proof that although he was here in the cabin being productive, he had partaken in some of the festivities with the crew. They got along rather well, much to both he and Lila's surprise. At first, the crew had been afraid, some terrified. Not only was their captain Antari, but so was her 'companion.' Most had believed him to be a personal guard since it wasn't entirely uncommon for new captains to be challenged, even with Alucard's orders. It was soon realized that Captain Delilah Bard needed no guard whatsoever, and certain interrupted moments shed light on the true nature of their relationship.  
 They even had a reputation now, the Void of the Seas. There were even rumors that Delilah and Kell had murdered Alucard Emery and taken his ship by force. Of course that wasn't true, but they didn't dispel the rumors - having a fearsome reputation was a good thing. And the crew loved it.  
While some of the crew still feared them, the majority of them understood and respected them. Mostly Lila, of course, considering she was the captain and Kell was more likely to be quietly walking the ship like a ghost than shouting orders. She was the tempest and he was the rip tide, pulling you under quietly and without warning.  
 The first few months were filled with murmurs about the black-eyed prince among them, Kell often keeping to himself. As the months went on, they came to accept him as another member of the crew. That didn't come without teasing, however, often calling him _Aven Vares_ or princeling still.  
Lila ran her fingers through the white streak in his burnished hair, the soft strands falling in his face. He considered telling her about the cost to his powers, so many times he considered. He didn't know why he hadn't - maybe he hadn't wanted to seem weak, maybe he didn't think it would matter, but mostly because he had hoped it would fade and go away. As the days turned to weeks and the weeks to months and the months to years, however, it seemed more apparent that it wasn't a transient after-effect. It was permanent.  
 "Kell," She whispered, two toned eyes meeting his, "What is it? Something is on your mind."  
He shook his head, planting a kiss on her jaw, "Nothing of importance."  
 "You're not a good liar, leave that to me. Something is bothering you, I can tell."  
 Leaning forward to brush his lips across hers, he spoke lowly, "Distract me, then."

    Lila knew he was hiding something from her, and there were a multitude of guesses she could hound him with, but his words were a breath against her and the desire to find the answer faded into the background. Slowly surrendering, she cupped his face in her hands and met his lips with her own. She was never gentle, neither of them really were, and the soft meeting of lips quickly turned into something more heated. Hands gripped her hips, fingers digging into the bone as Kell opened her mouth under his. She made quick work of the buttons on his shirt and pulled it up and over his head, only breaking their lips for the time it took to discard the garment. He stood with his hands under her thighs and sat her on the desk, brushing the coins aside as he pressed close. With his hands bracing the table, his mouth found the tender spot above her collarbone that always made her shiver.  
   She felt her magic swell and gripped him tighter, as if she could meld his powers with her own. They had before, using the antari binding rings had been exhilarating and terrifying all the same. This was a different kind of power, the kind that built up in anticipation and sought release.

Lila could feel the familiar burning of flame lick at her insides as his hands found the skin under her shirt. Her back was pressed uncomfortably against the wall, aching against the knobs of wood. She shoved herself off the desk and into Kell, pushing him towards the bed. These were _her_ quarters after all.  
The Antari stumbled backwards, hands searching until the bed met the back of Kell's knees and he fell back against it with Lila atop him.  
He laughed against her lips, the sound filling her heart with joy as it always did. Kell didn't smile often, much less laugh. But when he did, it was like the sun rising on the horizon - it was always the same but you looked forward to it each time anyways.  
 "Lila-" His voice was low, laced with exhaustion and lust. She thought he was going to say something else, but he just brushed his thumb against her jaw and traced her lips as if mesmerized. She took his hand in her own and pulled it to her lips.  
She pushed him back against the bed and sat with her knees on either side of his hips, shifting forward and enjoying the way his breath hitched.  
 “ _Mas vares_ , I think it’s time for another lesson.”  
He tried to sit up with a smirk, but she placed her palm against his chest and pinned him down.  
 She clucked her tongue, “My turn.”

___

 "Captain Bard, Arnes is on the horizon!" Her first mate, Adrian Remes, pounded on her door and shouted, knowing well enough by now not to barge in. It was still early, much earlier than they expected to arrive. Part of Lila even thought that maybe Kell helped the ship along in his excitement to see Rhy, but he had been very conservative when it came to using his magic lately. She wondered if it was because of Holland, she knew he always felt guilty where the late Antari was concerned, especially regarding his sacrifice to stop Osaron. Or maybe it just _seemed_ like it was a rare occurrence to her, her own powers still fresh and exciting. She yearned to test her limits and use her powers whenever she got the chance.  
 Her head was resting on Kell's bare chest, fingers tracing the soul seal as she always did. She was surprised he didn't wake at the pounding on the ship, but he hadn't been sleeping well the past week or so and she didn't want to wake him when he was sleeping so soundly. So, as quietly as she could, she pulled on her slacks, boots and coat. Fastening the buttons, she opened the door and slipped out to meet Remes. His eyes landed on Kell's sleeping figure momentarily before the door clicked.  
 "Princeling not coming?" His voice was rough, a deep rumble associated with the southern corner of Arnes. He spoke English fairly well despite his upbringing far from London, enjoying that he could speak to her almost privately in the tongue.  
 "He'll wake eventually, or we'll leave him on the ship." She clipped, walking past knowing that he'd stay on her heels. Which he did.  
 "The mouth of the isle is just ahead. Once we reach the isle it should only take an hour or so to arrive at the city port." His voice followed her up the ladder to the deck where the sun was higher in the sky than she had previously assumed it to be.  
 "Good, maintain about 15 knots until we hit that isle, then ease the sails."  
He nodded his head in what seemed almost like a bow, "Aye, Captain."  
   Making her way to the helm of the Night Spire, she called out orders, Remes echoing them to everyone on board. If Kell hadn't woken yet, he surely would now. It had been nearly 3 months since they last made port, an unusually long stretch at sea, and the crew was itching for solid ground and a pub. Shanties rose in the air, a chorus of rowdy sailors harmonizing with the waves crashing against the wooden ship. Something like pride rose up as she joined in under her breath, stopping short when she could see the faint glow of red coming from the mouth of the isle.  
  _Home._ That is what Kell had called it, and she understood. These past few months had gone by with an unspoken tension between them. They had spent their days traveling, drinking, training, and engaging in more intimate battles, knowing that they were returning to Red London in 1823 for the Essen Tasch. Alucard Emery was the last victor, meaning that it was being hosted once again by Arnes. Lila had egged Kell on to get him to participate in secret with her again, but he refused, blaming the fact that it would be unfair for Antari to compete considering it was the Element Games. She scoffed at the hypocrisy given his stunt with Kamerov Loste at the last games. She was no better, of course, posing as Stasion Elsor, but at least she admitted it. She heard he wasn't competing this year much to her dismay - it would be nearly impossible to pose as someone else and she wasn't chosen herself for obvious reasons. Antari, as Kell said, were not permitted to compete. Still, she was excited to watch the games, sizing up each opponent and maybe get into some trouble herself. She had been itching for a fight, the thief in her never fading despite her new life as a Captain.  
 As the light of the isle grew brighter and they got closer to Kell's London, her chest tightened. They were back, but for how long? And when they departed again, would Kell cast off with her? The salt air and ocean breeze no longer refreshed her, but made her tense. The red light from the isle feeling less like a destination than an ending.

___

   Kell awoke to the sounds of bustling activity on the deck above, Lila shouting and sailors singing. At hearing her voice, he opened his eyes, knowing she wasn't lying next to him now. He wasn't surprised, normally she was woken up early, but he usually rose with her. He had been more exhausted than usual, sleep evading him the past few nights. Or was it weeks? Despite the tired ache in his bones even still, he sat up in the bed, sheets pooling around his waist. They weren't there yet, but he could see the red glow from the window and his heart leapt in his chest.  
  _Home._  
 He felt the smile spread across his features without his volition, the sight of the magical well as welcoming as the palace itself. Did Rhy know he was close?    
 Could he feel it?  
 Feeling more rejuvenated now, he rose and pulled on his clothes and reached for his coat which was lying across the desk chair. It was twisted and half folded from Lila's haste to get it off of him last night, and he moved to turn it right side out. He stopped when he realized the side of the coat that was unfolding. A side he hadn't worn in three years - his royal red and gold. Fingers brushed the golden buttons hesitantly, considering. He could wear it, it was as if the coat itself wanted him to. The coat had always had a mind of its own. Still, he couldn't bring himself to put it on. Instead, he turned it inside out once again, left to right and discovered a side he surely hadn't seen before.  
This side was a dark burgundy, burnished gold buttons cutting an asymmetrical line down from the front and coming down to the top of his knee. It wasn't the woolen fabric he was used to wearing on the ship, nor was it the high quality fabric of his royal coat. It was as if the coat knew he wouldn't wear the vibrant red, but could be convinced if it was more subtle and it wouldn't settle for anything less.  
 Resigning to the coats choice, he slipped it on and stepped outside onto the deck. The first thing he noticed was how late it was already, he and Lila slept in much longer than suspected. The second thing he noticed, of course, was Lila. She was standing at the helm, more a formality than anything now as the ship settled into a slower speed down the isle. Her eyes were closed, face tilted towards the burning sun. But it was the incandescent happiness on her face that caught his attention. He loved her much more than he ever anticipated and at times he thought she might love him even if she wasn't the type of person to confess it. Times like this, however, he feared that what she really truly loved was the freedom of the sea. Something Red London could never give her. They hadn't spoken about what comes after, he didn't think he knew either. Whether or not he would stay with his brother or sail back out on the Night Spire. Would she stay if he asked? A part of him hoped she would, another knew that would be like trapping a bird in a cage. Not an ordinary type of bird either, more like a hunting falcon.  
 Her eyes opened, the black one swallowing the sunlight while the other reflected it like gold. She smiled when she saw him, nodding her head to summon him to her side.  
 "About time you woke up," She chided as he made his way towards her. He was standing just behind her shoulder and felt the urge to kiss it, but they had a silent agreement not to show affection in front of the crew. It was a sign of weakness and a distraction. Instead he let his hand rest on the small of her back, hidden from prying eyes.  
 "Well maybe if I got more sleep last night, I wouldn't be so tired." Maybe he was feeling bold because they were closing in on the city, or maybe he simply didn't care anymore, but he placed a kiss at the base of her neck. Her hair had grown longer than he'd ever seen it, barely brushing her shoulders and he had to brush it aside. She had half of it pinned up with a silver pin he was sure doubled as a weapon. To his surprise, she didn't shrug him off. Rather than make him happy, though, it worried him. He could feel the tension in her body and he was certain it wasn't to do with pleasure. Still, they stood in silence, refusing to acknowledge their situation until the last moment. Buildings rose larger and larger, the palace now visible in the distance. The crew were all busy, no one paying the two of them any attention.  
 "I love you." Kell murmured against her hair above her ear. It was so quiet, he almost thought she didn't hear. He didn't know if he wanted her to or not. It wasn't the first time he had said it, but there was a heavy weight behind it this time.  
 Lila shut her eyes tight, shaking her head, "Don't."  
 Kell turned her to look at him, "Don't what?"  
 "Don't say that like you're leaving." Her voice was strained, her brown eye shimmering in what could be unshed tears or simply ocean mist.  
 He opened his mouth to say something when a shout rang out from Remes, "Prepare for docking! We've arrived!"  
 A chorus of shouts and cheers rang out from the crew as everyone jumped to action, furling sails and securing the ship. Lila pushed away from Kell and went to join them, her guard going back up as she slid seamlessly back into the persona of Captain of the Night Spire. Kell was left with a lump in his throat and a tightness in his chest, an echo of excitement blooming as he realized the King was probably aware the Night Spire was docking now.  
 They disembarked the ship, the docks a flurry of activity already despite the games being a week away yet. Kell thought a lot of the competitors were arriving early, and although it may be true for some, the majority of the crowd was something else entirely. It was a welcoming party. As he stepped off the plank and made his way inland with Lila, he noticed the banners and Arnesian citizens cheering. They were welcoming him.  
 "Master Kell has returned!"  
 " _Aven Vares!_ "  
   "The prince has returned!"  
 Lila stiffened beside him and he moved to hold her hand, feeling a sting when she pulled away. He didn't know what else he expected, that they would forget about him? He had been worshipped here and they loved him as they loved Rhy even if some still feared him. They weren't only cheering for him though, shouts rang out for the 'Antari princess.'  
 To just about anyone else, it would have been a compliment, showering love and respect. But not Delilah Bard. She had no interest in being anyone's princess, and it showed when she pushed forward through the crowd, Kell struggling to match her stride.  
 The walked in silence the rest of the way to the palace, not even making it to the steps before the front doors opened and the Arnesian King stepped out. He was dressed in red and gold finery, the gold circlet he had become so accustomed to replaced by a golden crown. He seemed older, features sharper where they used to be soft. He was older, of course. He was be turning 24 this year. He had the posture of a king and slowed when he reached the bottom of the steps, pausing in front of Kell. He was flanked by two guards, and of course, Alucard Emery. For a split second Kell worried he might be angry at him for not returning for so long, but a genuine smile broke across Rhy's face. With that smile, his features seemed to soften into the brother he knew. Without missing a beat, he spread his arms and wrapped Kell in a tight embrace. He returned it with no hesitation, the hug almost painfully tight.  
 When they finally broke away, Rhy's eyes were shining, "It's been a while, brother."  
 "Too long, my King." Kell fell into a bow and Rhy smacked him gently on the head.  
 "Stop that." Kell straightened with a laugh, rubbing the back of his head as Rhy turned to Lila and addressed her, "Ah, Delilah Bard. Would you deny the King a hug?"  
 "Yes." She stated simply, a smirk on her face.  
 "But would you stab me if I did it anyways?" He raised an eyebrow and when she said nothing, he smiled and pulled her in a hug as well, "Good enough for me."  
 To everyone's surprise, she returned it and then turned to Alucard with a smile, "Captain."  
 "Captain," He echoed, "I trust you've taken good care of my ship?"  
 Lila shrugged, "More or less."  
 Alucard paled for a moment before she laughed and he pulled her into a hug as well. A pang of jealousy shot through Kell despite himself and Alucard noticed the tense set of his jaw.  
 "Now, now Kell. Settle. You've had her all to yourself for three years now, I'm allowed a hug." And that was that, immediately after returning the two of them were already at each other's throats. Kell, to his credit, didn't rise to the bait until Alucard continued with a wink, "Besides, I know she has been keeping you busy."  
 Rhy laughed uncomfortably and squeezed his shoulder before Kell could respond, "Ha ha, we all missed each other I see. Well let's go inside, we have a special banquet prepared tonight in your honor!"  
With that, they began to ascend the steps into the palace, Kell beside Rhy and Lila and Alucard following a few steps behind.  
The palace looked virtually the same, the red and gold banners still hanging from the walls, guards and servants wandering the halls. Kell found himself lost in thought as he walked deeper into the halls and deeper into his past.  
 "Kell, I need to talk to you." Rhy whispered to him, tearing him back to reality.  
 "Of course, what is it?"  
 "I - I've noticed you've been in pain, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright-" Rhy looked back and Lila and Alucard before back to Kell, "Come by my rooms once you get settled. If you remember where they are, that is."  
 "I've been gone three years, not three decades, Rhy. Don't be so dramatic." Kell laughed.  
 "But it's what I'm good at!" Rhy protested before wrapping Kell in another embrace, "I have truly missed you, brother."  
 Kell buried his face in his shoulder, nodding, "I've missed you too."

___

 Kell and Lila walked in silence to his rooms, both of their minds working to find the words that were hanging unspoken. When the door latched shut behind them, Lila turned to face him finally, dropping her navy jacket on the couch as she leaned against the back of it.  
 "I am no one's princess, you know that don't you?" She didn't quite snap at him, but her tone wasn't pleasant either.  
 Kell moved towards her, taking one of her hands in his, "I know that. They don't know what else to do with another Antari, that's all."  
 Lila nodded, watching Kell's thumb brush along her knuckles. The next words out of her mouth took him by surprise, "What did Rhy mean about you being in pain?"  
 "You heard that?" He questioned, brows furrowed.  
 Lila rolled her eyes, "Of course I did, I'm an excellent eavesdropper. But that's not the point. When have you been in pain?"  
 Kell pulled back now, turning to take off his own jacket and hang it on the back of the door. "It's nothing, really."  
 "Well it has to be something noticeable enough for Rhy to bring it up. Don't lie to me and don't try and evade the question. I've noticed you've had headaches often, but I doubt that is what he meant. I've spent the last three years with you and I can count on one hand the amount of times you've been hurt badly enough for him to notice." She pulled on his sleeve so that he faced her, eyes settling on the pale streak in his hair as if she knew and just wanted to hear him say it.  
 Kell took a deep breath and steeled himself, "Ever since we used the inheritor to trap Osaron, there has been - a cost. You know I couldn't get the ring off in time."  
 Lila's eyes widened, "Are you losing your magic?"  
 He shook his head, "No. It's still there and still just as powerful, but it's like it isn't part of me anymore. I have access to it, but it pains me to use it. It used to be as easy as moving or breathing and now-" He broke off, eyes trained on the floor, "Now there is a cost. There is always a cost."  
 They were silent for a moment, Lila most likely processing and thinking back to all the times he had used magic before on their journey. Analyzing every moment to see how she missed it. Finally, she spoke, "Why didn't you tell me?"  
 "I thought it was temporary, that maybe it would get better."  
 Her gaze were sympathetic, "It hasn't, has it?" He shook his head in answer and Lila continued, "Is that why you've seemed uneasy lately?"  
 Kell almost laughed, his thoughts running in so many directions with so many unanswered questions, there was no way it was one thing making him feel this way. But rather than delve into that now when Rhy wanted to see him, he simply nodded. "I'm sorry, for not telling you."  
 Lila waved him off, "I should have known, you and your saint's complex like to suffer in silence."  
 Kell scoffed a laugh, placing a kiss on her forehead, "I should go find Rhy. You're welcome to wear anything in the palace for the banquet. Summon a servant and they can find you something nice. Or you could just wear my clothes if you so please." He teased.  
 She threw his jacket at him and rose to the bait, "Or maybe I'll wear a dress. I like seeing you distracted."  
 "As you wish." And with a smile, he was out the door and headed down the hall, leaving Lila to explore his room and knowing he'd probably regret that.

___

   Kell found Rhy lounging on the chaise in his room. He opted to remain in his own rooms rather than move to the King's chambers, Kell didn't know why but he also wasn't surprised - Rhy was a creature of habit and more sentimental than most. Alucard was sprawled on his bed, laughing at something Rhy must have said with a white ball of fuzz that might have been a cat on his lap.  
 "Again, Emery displays his incredible skills of guarding the King." Kell pandered, eyes glaring at the magician on Rhy's sheets.  
 "Well now that you're back he doesn't need me." Alucard continued to stroke the 'cat' as he addressed him, refusing to look his way, "Well he needs me for other things, of course."  
 Rhy scoffed, "Luc, leave him be. He only just returned. Can we have the room?"  
 Alucard sat up, startling the fuzz that actually was a cat, "Very well, Your Majesty. I'll go keep Miss Bard company." He said with a wink as he passed Kell.  
 Once he was gone, Kell turned back to him with eyebrows raised, "Really. _That_ is the man you choose to love?"  
 Rhy stood up with a laugh, "You know as well as I we do not choose. And don't you patronize me, you're the one who 'chose' someone who perhaps loves knives more than she'll ever love a person."  
It was meant to be a jest and Kell tried to ignore the stab of pain that followed, instead he chuckled, "Oh I've come to terms with where I fall with Delilah Bard - Just below knives, just above stealing."  
 "Really? You think you're above stealing?" Rhy questioned.  
 Kell shook his head, "Eh, you're probably right."  
They both laughed, falling right back into sync as they always had. He remembered staying up late as a kid in his room, playing games and talking about what Rhy would do when he was eventually King. He almost felt like that child again as they laughed and talked about inconsequential things. The conversation turned to what they have been up to the past few years; all of the countries Kell had seen, how life on the sea had been, how Alucard has worked to make amends and what he was planning for the Essen Tasch.  
 “People are still wary from last year. I decided that it was probably best that the stadiums weren’t on the river this year seeing as that is where Osaron’s palace of doom and gloom had been.” Rhy pandered as he went to his desk looking for something.  
 Kell huffed out a laugh, “Ah yes, how could I forget he ruined your stadiums. The audacity.”  
 Rhy turned at pointed at him in mock offense, “It doesn’t matter now, but this year is going to be better! Alucard and I came up with these plans; a stage for each main element.” He pushed the drawings towards Kell who had taken a place seated on the couch. It seemed simple enough at first glance - three circle stages arranged in a triangle, not touching but still close enough that they could be connected by golden bridges. The first stage you could see was for earth, built into the side of the hill on the far side of London. The next for fire, torches surrounding the perimeter and made of a reflective gold so that when the sun reflected off of it in the late afternoon when the games are scheduled, the entire stadium would look as if it was burning. The third was water, surrounded by what looked vaguely like a moat with spouts of water arching across the top. What caught his attention was the fourth stage, floating high above the rest. “And finally, this year we are adding an additional stage that is only for the final round. We’ve had issues fitting everyone in a single stadium the past few times the games were hosted since during the majority of the games the crowds are split to watch different competitions. Not this year, oh no, this is my crown and jewel here.”  
 Rhy’s smile was bright, truly proud of his creation. And it was beautiful, four separate stairways that looked as if built towards the heavens climbed up to the massive structure settled above the stage constructed mostly of what looked like glass, but of course was the as strong as steel. The final stadium appeared almost like an echo of the Soner Rast.  
 “It’s a surprise I didn’t notice it on the way here, it looks massive.”  
 Rhy’s brow furrowed, “You didn’t notice it? The massive stadium in the sky?”  
 “Well I was half expecting to run directly into it on the isle like last year. Besides, it’s not as if it is in the heart of the city.”  
 Rhy frowned as if Kell were insulting his creation, “I suppose not.”  
 Kell gripped his shoulder and smiled at his brother, “It is spectacular, Rhy. Truly. You should be proud. Mother and father surely would be.”  
 Rhy’s face softened and he put the blueprints aside and settled beside him on the couch with a glass of wine. He offered Kell one and he took it with a grateful smile, missing the sweet taste of the palace drink. He had become so accustomed to the bitter taste of the spirits on the sea that he had nearly forgotten what a proper drink tasted like. Lila would surely make fun of him for being spoiled but he didn’t care. They had found Alucard’s own stash of wine in his old quarters and went through it in the first month on the sea. Kell made a mental note to tease Alucard about it later.  
 “So three years at sea. I never would have pegged you for a sailor.”  
 Kell swirled the crimson liquid in the glass, “I’m not much of one. I’m much better suited to navigation. Besides, we didn’t spend all three years on the sea, we made port every few weeks and even spent the better half of a month in Sauvon.”  
 A rueful smile crossed Rhy’s lips, “There is still so much of this world I have yet to see. I wish I could have been there to see it with you.”  
 “Me too.” The joyful reunion was shifting into something more somber, a mess of guilt and sadness roiling in Kell’s chest.  
 “Have you been happy?” Rhy asked suddenly.  
 Kell didn’t know how to answer at first. The past three years had been some of the best years of his life, seeing places he never thought he’d see and sharing it with someone he loved. But there was still always such an ache when he thought about how far he was from Red London and his brother. Lila could sense it, he had nights where he could think of nothing but returning home and those nights had become more and more frequent in the last year. He imagined it would only get worse if he left again after their brief stay here, they were only supposed to stay a few weeks until the games and festivities wrapped up. Instead, he echoed the question back.  
 “Have you?”  
 He laughed and took a deep gulp of his wine, “That’s awfully unfair. But considering my life has always been an open book to you; yes, I have been. I still don’t sleep well, but having Alucard helps.” Kell sneered at the thought of the former captain in his brother’s bed and Rhy took notice, “Saints above, you two truly are ridiculous. You’re both stuck in my life, _you_ quite literally, so get over it. Now-” His demeanor fell serious, “your turn to answer the question.”  
 “Yes. I have been, but I will never be completely happy without you in my life, Rhy. You must know that.” Kell smiled half-heartedly and Rhy returned it, lifting his glass to cheers.  
 “I know. So here’s to hoping we won’t have to.”

___

    Cool February air poured through the open doors, the tapestries that hung from the ceiling fluttering like sails in the wind. Lila had moved to stand on the balcony of Kell’s room, the view overlooking the glowing Isle and what she assumed were the stadiums for the Essen Tasch in the distance. There were four this year, the largest one settled above the other three and all of them massive. She imagined it must have taken them the entire three years to build it, but of course with magic things like this were much simpler. The red glow of the Isle seemed brighter than she remembered, had it really been that vivid? The memory of the water doused with black rose unbidden in her mind and she shook the thought away. King Rhy Maresh was praised for saving the city, of course there was more to it, but no one spoke of that night. She wondered if the tournament would be more or less crowded following the events of the last one. Fear was a powerful thing, but so was curiosity.

 “Are we sulking, Bard? You must have been spending too much time with Kell.” It was Alucard’s voice, familiar and missed.  
 She turned towards him, leaning back against the balcony railing and crossing her arms over her chest. “Not sulking, just admiring my beautiful ship out on the docks.”  
 “First off, still my ship,” He stood beside her and rested his forearms on the metal railing, “Second, you can’t really see the docks from this side of the palace.”  
 “I know, but I still enjoy bringing it up.”  
 He chuckled, “Of course. And who knows, it might become your ship entirely after all.”  
 She cocked her head, dark hair falling in her face, “What do you mean?”  
 His smile turned wistful, a bizarre expression she’d never seen the man wear, “My days of sailing are over, I think. Some days I think I miss it, but then I see Rhy. And I remember what it’s like to wander the night market, spend time by the Isle, being back where I grew up and have a true home to come back to each day and-” He was wringing his hands together, spinning the feather ring around, “And maybe I don’t miss it as much as I thought.”  
 Lila turned and mirrored his posture with her arms against the banister, cool metal biting into her skin.  
 “Remember what I asked you when you first joined my crew?” He asked and she nodded, but he voiced it out loud anyway, “What are you running from, Bard?”  
 She stood in silence, eyes trained on the people on the bank of the river, all dressed in bright clothes and in high spirits. She didn’t know if he was asking again or simply recounting the memory.  
 He continued, “I guess now I know.”  
 She scoffed, “What are you gonna say, that I was running from my past?”  
 “No. Running from familiarity, from love. From this.” He looked sideways at her but she refused to meet his gaze. His tone was edged with humor now, more characteristic of Alucard, “I’d run from Kell too, if it’s any consolation.”  
 She couldn’t help but smirk, “What, so you think you have me all figured out now, Emery?”  
 “Oh no, I’ve fully accepted I’ll never have you figured out. I don’t think anyone will, it’s part of your allure. I just think you’re worried that if you stop moving constantly you’ll feel trapped.” He had never been this open with her before, and he was encroaching on dangerous territory now.  
 Her gaze met his, sharp with irritation, “What did you come here to ask me, Alucard.”  
 “Simple,” He said, pushing off the balcony railing, “Are you going to stay?”  
 He didn’t stay to hear her answer, didn’t expect her to tell him. The question wasn’t for himself, it was for her alone. He knew as well as she did, the choice she had to make.  
 And he knew as well as she did, that she had no answer.


	2. Because It Is Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But I like it  
> Because it is bitter,  
> And because it is my heart.”  
> — Stephen Crane
> 
> ___
> 
> "This is your home. You said it yourself. And while it may be home to you, to me a palace is no different than a prison.”  
>  He cupped her cheek in his hand, his expression pained, “You are my home, Lila.”
> 
> Bittersweet reunions, passionate nights and painful goodbyes. And happy endings of course.

 The Rose Hall looked nearly the same as it had when they had attended banner night three years before. Marble floors and walls glittered with gold and garnet while roses wrapped the towering columns. It was, however, much emptier than it had been on Banner Night. It was actually emptier than Kell had ever really seen it, nothing save a long table surrounded by eight chairs in the center of the room. Rhy was leaning on the table over Alucard, whispering something in his ear. Alucard was dressed in a deep blue coat accented with threads of silver that seems to highlight the silver veins along his sun-kissed skin. He didn’t hide them or shy away when people looked at them, they were a testament to his strength. Just as Kell’s black eye was a testament to his power - or at least the power he used to possess. Rhy himself was dressed in black with a crimson and gold sash draped across his front and his golden crown perched atop his curls. He caught sight of Kell and stood with a smile, moving to greet him as if he hadn’t just seen him a mere hour ago. Kell’s own outfit was similar to Rhy’s, only instead of donning a sash, his black tunic was edged in crimson and gold. He looked more regal than he had in the past years and he almost forgot how it looked. He didn’t look the same though, his skin held more color now and the strength in his muscle left his clothes fitting tighter to his body. He also had a faint dusting of freckles, much to Lila’s excitement. Rhy had left his old golden circlet on Kell’s dresser for him to wear. He had left it sitting there instead. He may still be Rhy’s brother, but he wasn’t really the prince of Arnes.

 “Brother, where is Delilah?” He was leading Kell towards his chair, taking his own seat across from him rather than at the head of the table. He wondered how many would be joining them for this banquet dinner, dreading a large party.  
 “She was off finding something to wear, I’m sure she’ll be around shortly.” Kell poured himself another glass of wine, offering to pour one for Rhy and Alucard as well.  
 He sensed her before he even heard her voice, “You act as if I’m late when you three are actually early.”  
 Alucard whistled as Lila approached from behind Kell, “Damn, Bard. You almost look like a proper lady.”  
 Kell turned in his seat to see her, and he felt his heart quicken. Delilah Bard was in a dress. This wasn’t the first time he had seen her in a dress, of course, but this was the most he’d _seen_ of her in a dress. It was deep black in color with golden accents twining along the bodice and sleeves. The bodice wasn’t quite a corset, Lila would be dead before caught in a corset, but it was tight against her chest, showcasing her curves. The sleeves fell off her shoulders, draping down towards her wrists. The bustle was very minimal, of course, prepared for optimal movement and Kell was sure she had pants on underneath the skirts. As well as an arsenal of knives. Regardless, she looked stunning, her hair falling in waves to her shoulder with her silver pin holding back one side.  
 She curtsied dramatically, “Are you insinuating that I am not indeed a proper lady?” When she straightened back up, she had a knife poised in her hand.  
_Of course._  
 She sat beside Kell and Alucard took his place across from her and beside Rhy. It seemed that they were the only ones attending this banquet and for that Kell was grateful. He could never keep Rhy from making a dramatic showing but deep down he knew that, more than anything, Kell just wanted to spend time with the four of them. Well he could have been content without Alucard, but that seemed to not be an option.  
 Kell leaned over to whisper in Lila’s ear as the servants bustled around to set the first course out, “You look stunning, of course. Is it safe to assume you’re wearing your pants underneath again?”  
 Lila was smiling at a servant who poured her a glass of wine and whispered back, “Who says I’m wearing anything?”  
 Kell felt the heat rise in his face and looked down at his plate, trying to ignore the thoughts rising in his mind. They played a wonderful game of distraction when there was something they didn't want to discuss. And of course, Lila did it best.

 The dinner was delicious, the four of them talking and sharing stories, Alucard and Kell even getting along as well as could be hoped for. The sun had finally set and sparkling fire exploded in the sky, the four of them looking to the glass ceiling to watch. Cheers were audible from the citizens outside, Rhy had planned a festival in honor of Kell’s return but did not make him attend it. The Arnesian people loved it anyways, an excuse to drink and celebrate. The city needed celebration now more than ever, the darkness of Osaron’s dominion now fading into the past and the city recovering.  
 Kell felt Lila’s hand settle on his knee beneath the table, her deft fingers lightly tracing up his thigh. Kell was still looking out at the fiery display, but clenched his hand on top of hers to still her movements as a coil of heat rose in his core.  
 Rhy, to her surprise, spoke without taking his eyes off the ceiling, “Lila, dear, I would appreciate if you didn’t get my brother all hot and bothered at the dinner table.”  
 Alucard and Lila shot a look at him in shock, Kell simply burying his face in one hand, “What?” She asked innocently.  
 “Kell and I are bound, you think pain is the only thing we share? I can feel his happiness, his grief, and his pleasure.” He laughed and took a drink of the wine in front of him. Kell felt the urge to down the entire bottle.  
 Kell spoke up, “It’s not as scandalous as he makes it seem, it’s like an echo of it, as though I can tell what he is feeling but can dissociate it from my own emotions. It’s not as if you’re also doing it to him.”  
 “Oh thank the fucking saints,” Alucard breathed out in relief, this news obviously a surprise to him as well.  
 Rhy smirked over the rim of his glass, “Except, of course, in regards to pain. So perhaps if _someone_ likes to scratch.” His eyes slid over to Lila with a mischievous grin.  
 For perhaps the first time in knowing Lila, he saw a blush creep across her cheeks. Alucard burst out laughing and Kell couldn't help but smile either, planting a kiss just below her ear to calm her. She shrugged him off but was laughing now too - it would take a lot more than that to embarrass her.  
 “I’m not surprised, you always were an aggressive kisser, much like you are in everything else.” Alucard chortled into his own glass. Rhy’s hand stilled, the glass halfway to his lips as his gaze darted to Kell who didn’t miss the implication.  
 “Excuse me?” Kell inquired. He looked to Lila whose blush deepened.  
 “It was one time, he’s being dramatic.” Lila shot Alucard a glare to which he raised his glass.  
 Kell didn’t know if it was the joy of being home, the feel of the liquor in his blood, or just not wanting to give Emery the pleasure of getting under his skin again, but he simply laughed.  
 He laughed and the three of them looked at him as though he had three heads, “Well no wonder you wanted to leave the country.”  
 Rhy burst out in hysterics, not knowing how Kell would react but certainly not expecting that.  
 Alucard flashed a less than polite gesture Kell’s way as they stood to leave.  
 “I trust we have some excitement in store for tomorrow as well? Perhaps a parade?” Kell’s question directed at the king.  
 Rhy shrugged with a wink, “I would never.”  
 Lila rose beside Kell and joined her hand in his, she addressed Rhy with a wink, “Thank you for dinner, I’ll try not to keep you up.”

___

 Kell had his hand on the small of Lila’s back as they made their way up the steps, already planting kisses on the back of her neck. Not even making it to the top of the stairs, Lila turned and pressed her hands against his chest, kissing him fiercely. He pushed her back against the wall, one hand braced beside her head. They could hear a guard in the distance but they didn’t dare tear away from each other. Kell’s hips pressed against her now, his other hand wrapping around her lower back as he kissed her fiercely. Her mouth opened beneath his, welcoming his tongue as it swept inside. He let out a stifled groan and she arched her back against him.  
 They had always had passion between them, he thought it might fade, but it never did. This, however, was an entirely different kind of drive, gripping so tight as if the other might slip away at any moment.  
 “Kell-” Lila gasped as his hands bunched in fabric of her dress, he placed a kiss on the top of her chest, the tightness of the dress accentuating what little curves she did have. They finally pushed off the wall and made the it rest of the way to his room, slamming the door shut behind them. Their kissing slowed as Kell brushed the strands of her dark hair aside.  
 “I’m sorry for that uncomfortable dinner.” He apologized, breathless. He could feel the buzz of alcohol running through his veins - Rhy must still be drinking, the sensation getting stronger. He placed an open mouth kiss on her collarbone and she tightened her grip on his shoulders.  
 Lila laughed lowly as his mouth moved against her, “What’s uncomfortable about being outed as an aggressive lover.”  
 Kell pulled back and looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “Lila, you are aggressive in every way possible, it’s hardly surprising to anyone.”  
 He didn’t get to say anything else as her hands tore at his jacket and lips crashed back into his. His own hands worked tirelessly at her dress, and when it finally came free, he noticed she wasn’t lying about what she wore underneath. She had no slacks and no chemise, only an undergarment and a sheathed knife, the heat swelling inside him as he gripped her thighs and carried her to the bed. She worked to undo the fastenings on his own pants and he impatiently moved to help her along. Of course, Lila wasn’t one to be shoved aside as she slapped his hand out of the way. He was sitting up on the bed, Lila’s legs around his waist and hands in his hair. They were a breath apart, gasps mingling. He leaned forward to kiss her and she pulled back ever so slightly, teasing.  
 “Lila-” The word was strangled, a smile spreading as he tried again more forcefully. The kisses evolved into something more, the rest of their clothes joining her dress discarded on the floor as he pressed her back into the bed. Kell’s arms were braced on either side of her head, fingers of one hand laced in her hair as she gasped and arched her back against him. He moved against her and her fingers cut into the skin of his bare back, the pain welcome as it cut through the haze of desire. Finally when he couldn’t hold back any longer, he buried his face in her neck, murmuring softly into her skin.

___

 They laid there, skin against skin in Kell’s bed. She wondered absently if it was the first time he had brought someone to his own bed, the thought making her laugh. For a moment she thought he was asleep, but he stirred, placing a kiss against her hair. Reality began to sink its claws in now that the haze of desire had dissipated like fog and her mind began to unravel once again.  
 “We can't keep avoiding it.” He said quietly. It was silent and she thought for a moment about pretending to be asleep, but she didn’t. Instead, she twisted around to look up at him.  
 “I know.” Is all she said. He probably hoped she would say something along the lines of _There is nothing to talk about_ or _I want to be with you no matter what_. But Kell knew the reality of the situation and knew that was not a part of it.  
 “I love you, Delilah Bard.” It came out as a breath, the truth of it so intense that there was no other way around it.  
 She sat up now, turning away from him, “Stop saying that.”  
 He straightened as well and placed a hand gently against her bare back, “Why?”  
 “Because,” She whipped around on him, “It will be that much more unbearable when you inevitably leave.”  
 “Leave? Why do you keep thinking I’m going to leave? You’re the one who always runs.”  
 She tried not to let the hurt settle in her chest, tried to swallow back the emotion in her throat, “Because, this is your home. You said it yourself. And while it may be home to you, to me a palace is no different than a prison.”  
 He cupped her cheek in his hand, his expression pained, “You are my home, Lila.” She closed her eyes against the building pressure as Kell leaned his forehead against hers. “Please, please don’t run. Not without me.”  
   _Don’t run._  
 “I love you, Lila.” He whispered.  
  _This is your home._  
 “Please.” His voice was strained but she refused to meet his eyes.  
  _You are my home._

   The words assaulted her, giving the emotion in her throat the final push towards the surface as tears broke free and silently rolled down her cheeks.  
 “I love you, Kell.” It was the first time she had said the words aloud although she had come to terms with the truth of it years ago. He would say it, she would smile and kiss him and he never questioned it or pressured her to return the sentiment. She was sure a part of him must know, that Lila simply wasn’t a person to put feelings into words. Putting them into words made them too real. Something you couldn’t take back, couldn’t escape and inescapable things were the worst kind in Lila’s mind because if it couldn't be escaped then it was a trap.  
 She soon realized it didn’t matter whether or not she said it - she had fallen fully and willingly into this trap and she didn't want to break free. Didn’t even wish that she wanted to.  
 When she did meet his gaze now, the expression on his face was one of relief and love.  
 It pained her.  
 He looked as if he had been awaiting execution and someone pardoned him just before the sword fell. He smiled one of his genuine grins that were saved only for her and the tears that had been falling earlier threatened to return with the force of a storm on the seas. She kissed him fast and hard, “I have loved you ever since you dragged my ass into this strange world. Broken, bleeding and bruised and I have loved you all the same.”  
 “Marry me.” He murmured against her lips, a plea.  
 She drew back with a start, “What?”  
 His features were drawn hesitantly now, “I want to be in your life forever, Delilah. No matter where that may take me. So marry me.”  
 “Kell-” She started, brushing her hair back behind her ears.  
 “You don’t need to give me an answer now.”  
 She chuckled, “This was a horrible proposal, just so you’re aware.”  
 Kell raised his eyebrow, “Oh? Would you rather me do it more publicly? I’m sure I could ask Rhy to arrange a festival or-”  
 “NO,” She all but shouted as his grin widened, “You know I would stab you if you did.”  
 He pressed another kiss to her cheek, “I know.”  
 As if in silent agreement they both laid down to sleep. No more than a few minutes passed before his heartbeat settled into a steady rhythm. Her eyes were closed, focusing on nothing but his skin warm against her own and the gentle rise and fall of his chest.  
 Lila had finally gotten used to sleeping with him in her bed, often found it hard to sleep without him now. But she was also used to the gentle sway of the boat beneath them and she was feeling the severe lack of movement now. It didn’t matter, she didn’t intend to sleep. Didn’t intend to stay, only long enough to memorize the lines of his face, the softness of his hair and the warmth of his skin. She soon realized that no amount of time would be long enough, so with the whisper of a kiss she rose from the bed, refusing to look back.

___

 Lila had thrown on her clothes quick as she could and grabbed the small pack she had brought with her before heading down the halls and towards the docks. They were supposed to stay for the Essen Tasch, stay for another three weeks yet but she knew the crew wouldn’t question her if she said it was time to leave. Nor would they question the absence of the other Antari. The inns were full tonight for the festival and wouldn’t be vacant for a few nights more, the crew required to sleep on board the ship for now. She was glad for it, it was much easier than trying to round them up from their rooms. No doubt they were probably drunk, but drunk in one place was much easier than drunk in many.  
 Lila Bard was arguably one of the strongest people in the world now, always had been, which is why she was so irritated by the tears welling in her eyes. The anger only exacerbated the problem, tears of sadness and anger compounding and falling in rivulets down her face. She didn’t sob, she wouldn’t, but her throat felt raw from the restraint.  
 “Lila?”  
   _No_.  
   The voice came from behind her, a voice she certainly didn’t want to hear right now. It was laced in drowsiness, but very much awake. She didn’t turn, couldn’t let the King see her tearstained face or the shine still in her eyes.  
 She cleared her throat as quietly as possible and spoke with an even clarity, “What are you doing up?”  
 She cursed herself for asking a question, that only succeeded in making the conversation longer, but the damage was done. Rhy stopped a few feet away, she could hear hesitancy in his voice, “I was perhaps too deep in my cups tonight, needed some water,” He moved closer to her and she tensed, “Lila?”  
 She turned to face him, hiding her face in the shadows of the hall, the windows illuminating the space just before her with white starlight and the magical red glow of the Isle around them. “I just wanted some fresh air, it’s awfully hot in this palace.”  
 Rhy wore suspicion like a shield, “Kell has a balcony. _Where_ are you going, Lila?”  
 Lila stepped back further into the darkness as Rhy stepped closer, but he was close enough to see the evidence on her face and the suspicion fell away, replaced by a look almost like devastation.  
 “You’re crying, I’ve never seen you cry.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement, “Why are you crying, Lila?” She could tell from his face that he knew the answer and her silence only confirmed it, his features sharpening in anger. “Don’t, don’t do this to him.” It wasn’t a plea but an order.  
 “Do what, exactly?” She felt her emotions mirror his, angry for being caught and being told what she couldn’t do.  
 “Don’t play coy, Lila. We both know exactly where you’re going, so tell me - _why_? Why are you running this time? Are you bored with your plaything now?” He stepped forward into the light, looking every bit like the king he was despite the nightclothes draped around him.  
 She narrowed her gaze, “Stop.”  
 “No. You don’t get to do that, you don’t get to run after everything and not even give him so much as a goodbye. He deserves better than that.”  
 Lila scoffed, “You don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do, _King_.” She spat the word with as much venom as she could.  
 “He sat with me for months after my heart was broken, I will not let the same thing happen to my brother. He has sacrificed so much for me, for this world. For _you_.” His words cut deeper than any knife she owned could and she welcomed the feeling, she deserved it.  
 “Well than I guess I’m no better than Alucard, am I?” She snarled back, but he didn’t recoil.  
 “You’re no better than anyone. And you don’t deserve Kell if you’re willing to do this.”  
 She refused to stand there any longer, turning on her heel to storm out of the palace but he called to her before she got too far, “I won’t be the one to tell him. I cannot be.” His voice was filled with sorrow now, knowing there was nothing he could do to prevent his brother’s heart from breaking. “I cannot bear to see it.”  
 “I left him a letter.” She said quietly before continuing down the hall. She felt sick to her stomach, needing the feel of the night air as soon as she possible and so she did what she did best.  
 She lied.  
 And she ran.

___

  _Cold._  
 That was the first thing Kell noticed when he woke, crisp winter air seeping in through the cracked balcony doors. Even behind shut eyelids he could tell it was early, the sun barely warming the sky in painted hues. Too early to be awake. The space in the bed beside him was empty as well. Strange, considering there was nothing to wake her up early here, no calls for the captain or shouts from the crew. He forced his eyes open despite their heaviness of exhaustion.  
 “Lila?” He swung his feet to the side of the bed, knowing that calling her name was bound to do nothing if she wasn’t in the room. Still, he had to ask.  
_I’m right here, Kell._ He imagined her saying, coming inside from the balcony or stepping out of the bathroom. But he was met by nothing but silence. He threw on his clothes and his coat, a pit forming in his stomach when he saw her own coat was gone.  
 Out in the hall there were various servants walking through, cleaning the drapes and windows, chatting happily even as he felt his tilting sideways.  
   _Stop thinking like that._ He chided himself, always jumping to dangerous conclusions. He made his way towards the stairs as calmly as he could muster, rubbing his fingers against the scars on his wrist nervously. When he reached the stairs, he saw Rhy coming out of his room. A small smile started to form on his face until he saw Rhy’s expression.  
 “Good morning, your Majesty. Have you seen Lila?” He inquired.  
 A look of fresh pain bloomed across Rhy’s face and he muttered something that sounded like _Liar_.  
   “Rhy. Where is Lila?”  
   He moved to grab Kell’s shoulder and direct him into his rooms, “Kell, I-”  
   Kell felt panic claw at his throat, “Where is she?”  
   “She left.” He said simply, knowing that any preamble would only make matters worse. Not that they could be any worse.

 Kell’s chest heaved and the words threatened to push him under the surface and drown him, “No.” He said, leaning back against the wall behind him.  
 “Kell, I’m so sorry. I tried to make her stay, I tried-” His brother was pleading.  
 He snapped his head to look at him, “You _knew_? You knew she was going to leave?”  
 “I just saw her last night. I didn’t know before that, I swear it.” Guilt was warping his gentle gaze.  
 “And you didn’t stop her?!” His thoughts were rapidly swinging between fear and grief and madness, shades of anger darkening his vision.  
 Rhy huffed a humorless laugh, “Stop Delilah Bard? You and I both know that’s not possible.”  
 Without stopping to hear anything else, he took off out of the room, shoving past anyone in the halls and down the stairs. He searched every room, determined that he’d find her somewhere in this maze of a building. People were wandering the palace and going about their day as if nothing was wrong as his own world felt as thought it were shattering. She wouldn’t just _leave_ , she couldn’t do that. Not after everything they’d been through.  
   _I love you, Kell._ She’d said. She must have meant it, wouldn’t say it if she didn’t. Wouldn’t say it ever.  
 Unless it was a goodbye.  
 The truth of it hit him like a blow to the chest, he wondered if Rhy could feel his heart breaking. Without thinking he pulled out the compass she had given him, still buried in his coat pocket, and unsheathed his knife to cut a painful gash in his wrist as he placed the compass and his bloody hand against the nearest wall.  
 “ _As tascen, Lila._ ” He felt the pain burning lowly like an ember and then felt it explode as he stepped through. It ravaged through his nerves like wildfire, making him gasp in pain, but it was nothing compared to the fear that she was already on the sea. Already out of his grasp and out of his life forever.  
 But she wasn’t on the sea, sunlight flared in his vision as he stepped out into - the courtyard?  
 She was sitting longways on a bench, resting against a pillar and tilting her head at the sky as petals of spring flowers fluttered down, contradictory to the time of year. She turned to look at him as he regained his balance, slowly breathing through the pain.  
 “Blood magic? A little dramatic, don’t you think Kell? You could have just walked here.” Her lips quirked up at the sides. He balked at her, how could she find this _funny._ The fire in his veins burned hot.  
 “Little dramatic? Rhy said you left!” He stormed across the stones towards her, her stare leveled him.  
 “Rhy is also very dramatic.” She swung around to plant her feet on the ground. “I had a bit of an emotional crisis. You know how emotions and I don’t get along.”  
 She sounded so sure of it, so calm and it was like someone had thrown a bucket of water on him to wake him from a nightmare. He reached her and stood with his hands limp at his sides, afraid to reach for her as if she were nothing but a hallucination.  
 “Rhy said you left,” He said again. All traces on humor left her voice as she looked down at her hands and he noticed she was holding something. Though he couldn't tell what it was, he didn't care. All he cared about was she was still here.  
 “I did.” She sounded guilty and he knew how close he was to losing her, “Well I almost did. I made it back to the ship and couldn’t bring myself to leave. No matter how trapped I feel without moving, what good is freedom if you don’t get to make the choices you want? And I want you. Always.”  
  She opened her hands now and he dropped his gaze to see what she was holding. A ring. Not just any ring, the Antari binding rings. He didn’t realize she still had them.  
 She stood up now, pulling a second one from the base, “I kept these. I don’t know why, I just did. And after you told me there was a cost to using your powers now, I thought about these.” She offered one to him and slid it on his finger, “Maybe you don’t have to feel that pain anymore. Magic can be a part of you again.  _I_ can be a part of you again.”  
 She slid the other on her own finger and gasped as they both felt the power swell around them. Power and no pain. He looked down at it and felt a laugh bubble up. He willed the air around them to pick up speed, willing the fountain beside them to stop entirely. All of it and no pain, he looked to Lila and she smiled at him. For all the panic that had filled him this morning, seeing her standing so confidently and steady before him quelled his worry. He felt sure and steady. And so he grinned, brushing her hair behind her ear, “You know, some might say you just proposed to me.”  
 Her own grin matched his, “Maybe I did.”  
 His eyes widened, “Is that- is that a yes then?”  
 “What is this the whole ‘I asked first thing?’ I could propose if I wanted to.” She rolled her eyes and he leaned his forehead against hers again.  
 “Yes you could. And I’d say yes.” His lips went to her ear, “But for the record, I did ask first.”

___

   Despite Kell’s wishes, of course, Rhy had prepared a parade and had expected him to at least make an appearance. The events of the morning, however, left Rhy guilt-ridden and upset. He was sitting in his rooms now, his head settled on one hand as Alucard poured him a drink. Lila had lied to him, he shouldn’t have been surprised. The worst part, though, was that he truly believed she would stay. Couldn’t entertain the thought that she’d ever leave. It was foolish thinking he knew, Lila wasn’t the type of person to settle down. Still, he wanted it for his brother. Wanted it for _her_.  
 She and Alucard were close and Rhy knew how he worried about her, that for someone who seemed as fearless as she did, she spent a lot of her life running from things she’d rather not face.  
 Love being one of them. _Kell_ being one of them.  
 Still, spending three years together traveling the world on a pirate ship was no simple thing, of course neither was travelling between worlds, killing royals, and saving cities. He had said as much to Kell once - they truly had no ordinary courtship.  
 “Rhy, it isn’t your fault. Bard is a creature of habit, much as you. She just uses her sharp exterior to hide it.” Luc sat beside him now, rubbing his shoulder.  
 Rhy looked over at him, not raising his cheek from his palm, “How do you sound so sure?”  
 He shrugged, “As much as she’d refuse to believe it, and I’d never admit it to her face, I know Bard. I know she is going to run as she always does, but once she gets to that ship, she will stop and think. She won’t be able to leave like this.”  
 “So you still think she’d want to leave.”  
 He had a lazy smile on his face, “I don’t think she knows what she wants, but she wants Kell. Although I'll never understand _why,_ I can see that she does. And freedom, and in this palace she feels that she can’t have both.”  
 At this Rhy sat up straight, “What are you suggesting?”  
 “Well,” He started, “If she didn’t in fact leave last night, we make an arrangement.”  
 He furrowed his brows, “What sort of arrangement?”  
 “Lila wants to sail, your brother wants to see you - don’t you need to enlist a new Official Privateer? As a ship of the Royal Colors, they would be required to make port every quarter.” Rhy's frown was beginning to break as Alucard smirked, "I think I may just the Captain to hire, your Majesty."  
  
___    
  
   Kell was kissing Lila under the tree in the courtyard when he heard the music. A damned parade. He wished that he could have been surprised, but of course, he wasn’t. He broke away with a sigh, much to Lila's dismay, and led her by the hand into the palace. He was sure Rhy would already be outside on the floats charming the people with his dazzling smile. Instead, he found the foyer empty save for the two guards stationed at the door. Kell was about to ask if the King had already passed through when he heard him descending the steps behind him.  
 “Look who it is, a thief _and_ a liar.” He was dressed like a king and spoke with the authority of one, but you could sense the ire in his tone still. Rhy was always one to prod and tease, but this wasn’t a jest. He was angry at Lila, despite her decision, perhaps would be for awhile to come. At least he didn’t try to banish her from London (which he very well could do as King), so at least he as handling this situation better than Kell had.  
 “Your Majesty,” She said with a slight incline of her head. She wouldn’t bow but she wouldn’t make any derisive comments either, knowing full well her current standing with the Arnesian King.  
 “Glad to see you still here, Bard.” Alucard cut in. They shared a small smile as Rhy went to stand beside Kell. Alucard caught sight of the rings on their respective ring fingers and raised a brow, “Are those the Antari binding rings?”  
 At this Rhy swiveled, the excitement on his face betraying the anger he bore moments ago. Rhy was never one to hold grudges. “ _Binding_ rings? Like an engagement?”  
 Lila and Kell shared a look before shrugging and muttering a collective _Sure_.  
 All pretense of the King faded as Rhy broke out into a contagious smile, taking both of their hands and inspecting the rings. He furrowed his brow, “I could buy you prettier ones if you’d like, these don’t even have any gemstones.”  
 Kell pulled his hand back gently, “I appreciate the sentiment, brother, but I think we are content with what we have.”  
 He looked to Lila, the words hanging in the air as she smiled - not the sharp grin of a thief or the smirk of a pirate, but the genuine smile of someone in love.  
 Someone who has found their home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed it! I enjoyed writing it so I had a good time regardless.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! :)


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